am i racist?

Today, I was watching TV and something that the program said ( i dont remember what) made me think "They all think like that."  meaning "Mexicans all think like that."  Then, immediatly i sucked the words/thought back in.  How racist of me!
The other day, a visiter from the United States made a comment, "there are a lot of weird beliefs here." she immediatly realized that didnt sound very politcally correct and mentioned that maybe she should have said "different" instead.
Living in a different country, emeresed in a different culture, surrounded by people who do not have the same knowledge set as you do shows a person how racist they are.
or is it racism?
no.
right?
Because my cultural knowledge base is different than that of the majority of people around me, and sometimes it is difficult to instantly distinguish what stems from universal truth and what stems from cultural knowledge, this does not make me racist.
but sometimes, it is true, I do think my beliefs are correct and others' are, simply, wrong.  sometimes, i do find myself, honestly thinking, my beliefs are better than those of an entire country.  do those count as inherent differences that lead to me believing my "race" is superior? no, i dont think so.
so, this is me being so scared of being racist that i convince myself i am.  when really maybe i dont have anything to worry about? perhaps is it just an extension of the phenomena of political correctness that i grew up in.  which has certainly affected me.  and i cant decide if its a good thing or a bad thing.

...Christmas...

I have spent my whole life not celebrating Christmas.  and this year my 3rd graders are all asking me things like "do you believe in Santa" and "what did you ask Santa for?"  I don't like lying about these things but on the other hand i don't want to dash these kid's magical dreams and illusions.  Afterall, I am the all knowing Ms Kristen of 3A and 3B. Even though i want to support them and keep them innocent a little while longer, I always seem to hesitate when they ask me. 
"Miss, do you beleive in Santa"
"uhhhhhhhh" three blinks later "uhhh.  yes."
I wonder if that gives them any doubt?  I dont mean to do it... it just happens.
All the possible answers run through my head at once and none of them seem acceptable:
1) "yes"  but i don't.
2) "no" or "Silly child, Santa doesnt exist!"  Some of my kids would then begin to debate with me after these answers, but i'm sure once they get home...the doubt i planted would grow and grow. i just dont want to be THAT person.
3) or maybe i could skip the answer and go straight to the fact that my family never celebrated Christmas.  but that would bring up a whole big discussion that would end with "why?" and if i want to keep up my honesty streak then i'd have to say somehow that Santa was a happy story to tell children and then expanded to create a bigger base for consumerism to extend the holiday "spirit."  and that just wouldnt do either.
another outcome of the news that i dont celebrate Chirstmas would just be their blank faces.  today a kid, randomly, asked me if i was catholic.  i said "no."  she then proceded to rack her brain for other religions.  apparently if someone isn't catholic they MUST be Jewish.  Explaining that I am a Christian who doesnt beleive that it is necessary nor historically correct to celebrate the birth of Jesus on Dec 24/25 would just be too much for these poor children...sometimes i bow their minds with the fact that I am American living in Mexico...
4) so, yes.  i have to say "yes" even though it isn't the truth.

change

change.  i kinda really like change.  rearranging furniture just makes my day.  clothes that i havent worn before (or in a long time) make me really happy.  all the packing and unpacking that comes with moving gets me energized.  Some would say that i had a really big change in my life recently.  And yes, i would never want to down play the ring on my left left hand that wasnt there before.  but i'm ready for CHANGE.  all the people who are constantly asking me "how married life is" might think that it is too soon.  but really that change doesnt feel like a change, it's normal.  and for those of you who thought that moving to 3rd grade was a big change...really?  I still have 50 kids who, for some reason, go crazy when i am the authority in the room.
So, I need a change.
Should I join a dance class? Should I learn yoga?  redecorate my house?  go back to school?  have a baby?  get a second job?
well, i'd need to convince israel too.  i dont know where i'd do that.  it's expensive and i'm moving in 6 months anyway.  whoa.  not such a good idea if i'm just looking for a change.  too much responsibility and hours.
ok... i guess ill need to work on my list of changes or maybe work on my list of cons so i can actually be convinced.


p.s. Courtney, everytime i put a comma i thought of your fb status about commas in the wrong places.  i took a lot of my commas out....I hope you understand this

i'm a dork

So, I was listening to a podcast, Stuff Mom Never Told You from HowStuffWorks.com. and they intersting things about purses, or hand bags.
First of all, are women's hand bags a symbol of our independance and self sufficiency?  Women didnt use big purses when they relied of the men to pay for everything.  When the purse began to be a siganture of a women's wardrobe was when women began to have jobs and need to be out of the house more.  Thus, away from relying on men to take care of everything.  But are purses a good social trend for women?  When a high power women is wearing a high power suit and she looks professional and ready to "fight with the guys" does having a purse benefit her or hinder her? 
Dr Freud had an intersting theory.  He said that a purse represented the women's vagina.  If we take that into consideration then if a business women is trying to make it in an "all man's" world then the purse is her coworkers constant reminder that she is a women.  Not so benifitial...
On the other hand, I dont think women want to be lumped into the same category as men.  We want the same right and respect but we are WOMEN we are not men.  thus carrying around a purse is a way to symbolize that we are women but at the same time we are not the women who relied on men.  we are independant.  we dont need a man to pay for everything.  we dont need a man to supply cigarettes.  we can take care of ourselves.  In this way, a purse is a good sign of independence.
so, I dont know maybe its just the social norms that have conditioned women to be use to the certain conviences that purses provide plus the importance society has placed on the fashion world or maybe a purse has a much bigger meaning in our lives.

why you should judge people

I roll my eyes and get annoyed when people complained about not being able to sleep without their spouse.
I look on with disbelief and pure incomprehension when children run screaming with delight when their father came home from a trip.

and then. this weekend.

Israel has to go out of town last friday.  At first it was ok. I got to spend more time with my friends on friday afternoon (until 11pm).  And i got to sleep with my computer in my bed again.  and i woke up sat morning not having to think about anything! i ate when i wanted. i washed the dishes when i wanted.  and then i sat around some more and started thinking about when israel would come home.  then he called and said he wouldnt be home until sunday.  ok. now i'm getting bored.  and when it was time for bed, i couldnt get myself to sleep in the bed.  I convinced myself that it was because if Israel was here i couldnt sleep on the couch, that would be weird!  so on the couch i slept.
and when sunday turned into monday and monday into tuesday....I'm still sleeping on the couch.
I try to hide my huge disappointment when he calls and says he needs one more day.  I try to say that it's ok, "stay, do everything you need to do."  But the words dont come out very truthfully and he can tell.  Today on the way home from school i day dreamed about running and jumping into his arms... just like the kids i mocked previously.
Of course I do SLEEP, and soundly too, not much changes that... but i am sleeping on the couch, and the decision to get into the sheets i put on the couch and under that blanket and turn off the light is difficult.  I just dont what to do that because he isnt here....remind you of something?

So, what did i learn this weekend?  If I had never had that experience of mocking people for being attached to another human being i would never have realized how ridiculous i am being right now... so in conclusion: judge people. it makes for more enriched personal reflection

you learn something new...

I just thought i'd share 4 things i learned this week:

a thief is an enemy of the police

a chief is lake o fireman

diesel is a drink of gasoline

the New World was when America was lost but Colombus found it

...there was one more that was really funny....but i forgot it and the paper is at school.
::sigh:: i like it when my students teach me things

halloween...and more incrimating evidence of a homeschooler

Let me begin by saying that this is by no means representative of ALL homeschoolers.  but... in my house we did not celebrate halloween.  I never once dressed up like a pumpkin, witch, ghost, or anything else.  The closest I got to trick-or-treating was when i was like 13 or 14 and my "costume" was a cowboy hat, and I stayed on the curb while a group of younger friends asked for candy.  I dont remember ever really caring-we always did something else equally as fun.  seriously- family moive marathon for the week before or cupcake decorating parties with candy overload were awesome!
ANYWAY,  now, I am a teacher.  and i still dont care about halloween but its a fun holiday, dressing up is "fun."  only, I hate it.  All the times i have tried getting halloween costume together i have failed.  I mean, i put them on.  and maybe other people dont think they are a failure, but i certainly am no comfortable and I am counting down the minutes until i can go change and get out of the clothes that are not what i want to be wearing.
I have no moral dilema with Halloween dressing up...I just dont like it.  but as a teacher its kinda unsportsmanlike to not dress up.  i mean, its fun right? ::sigh:: 
tomorrow is our school halloween celebration.  we'll see what 7am decides about my wardrobe...