What i learned days 7 and 8

7)tlacudos are a traditional food in oaxaca. But they are prepared differently in salina cruz, ox and oaxaca, ox.
8) engagement ringd are rarely used in Mexico and France......why is it that it is almost 100% used in the US?

What I learned day 6

27 degrees C is 80 degrees F

2011

Jan: my sister came and made a huge impression on my inlaws. Then we went to Catemaco.
Feb: celebrated 6 month anniversary valentines day and my birthday in the same weekend
     My H threw me a surprise party!
March: DI tournanent puebla
April:
May: DI in Tenn, my parents came to see me.
June:
July: school year ends.
     I go home for a visit
     Israel opens taller
August: small vacation with my husband/1st anniversary
     start school year: grade 3, groups A&B out of 12 groups!
September:
October: Canadian Thanksgiving at Sarah's house.
     dressed in 2 halloween costumes, an amazing feat for me
November:
December: christmas in DF
     Salina Cruz, Oaxaca and surrounding beaches with friends for New Years

Anything I am forgetting?

What i learned day 6

The virgin of guadalupe was first seen by saint diego. She has many features that tie her to aztec culture: hair loose to show she is with child and a black ribbon too. The stars on her cloak are to show the 46 brightest stars above the mexico city valley.  And i learned there are 3 churches on the guadalupe square and 2 more right next door. My husband and i had a long conversation....

What i learned day 5

I learned that pinatas are originally from china.  The original mexican pinatas were made with a clay pot base and had 7 points to represent the 7 deadly sins.  all this learning provokes questions: Do they still break pinatas in china?  were the 7 pointed pinatas a teaching tool or just a fun reminder?  When did pinatas become the tradition  and who brought the idea from china?

what i learned Day 4

I read that potato slices can take away puffy eyes.  Now i'm going to try it out and i'll let you know if i learned something or not....

What i learned days 2 and 3

2) NC had a coup d'etat (thanks Sarah!) in the early 1900s. Elected officials happened to be Black so some white Wilmingtians kicked them out.
3) cleaning cuts with alcohol actually isn't good

What i learned: day 1

This past weeked I learned about an event in French history during WWII. A round up of jews by french police to fill the quota handed down by the nazis. July 16, 1942 was the date of the busiest day.

Recently I've been considering life as a American living in Mexico indefinitely.  Why do we come here?  Why do we stay?  What do we like about living a bi-cultural life?  How did we "acustumbrate" to a bi-cultural life as an adult?  If/When we return to life as an American living in the United States how will we handle the drastic change to mono culture?

...I do realize the following are broad generalizations and sounds very egotistical.  Please realize that to a certain extent I am being sarcastic..

I think on some level I love being in Mexico because I am the exception.
When I am speaking to acquaintances in Mexico I am the girl who speaks surprisingly well for a gringa, who VOLUNTEERED to leave "el norte."  When I am at my job I am the girl who was educated in the way they are just implementing here so, my plans automatically start with where the administration is trying to go.  I am the best choice for the students because of the accent I have when I speak English and the one that surfaces when I speak Spanish.  And if I forget a technical term I can just blame it on the language barrier.
Here, I have the golden ticket of a US born tongue.  Here, I am the envy of all with my natural "blue" eyes and natural dirty blond hair.  Here, I have pre-programed small talk no matter where I go.  Although I live here my connections to the US provides me with a head start on some pop culture references, while my geographical location allows me to follow the Mexican side streets and completely separate highways of pop culture. Here, I can be the center of attention because of the simple fact that I stand out.  Here, I always have something to search for, some amazing product that I grew up with that hasn't been discovered here yet.  (I'd make so much money if I had the opportunity to introduce graham crackers here.)  Here, I can count on the fact that my name will cause confusion and that it will also be a warning of my non-native Spanish skills.  Here, I enjoy good jokes about the differences in social beliefs and norms.
Even when I take a trip home to visit the US, or talk to people who live in the US, I am the girl who speaks Spanish without a drop of hispanic blood in my body, the girl who dropped everything to brave a life in third world Mexico.  A hero gone to save the poor children in that backwards, violent country.

So, what will I do when I return to the United States?  The result of this strange rant is to conclude that the worse part of reverse culture shock will really be the simple fact of not being the exception.  I will have to be ORDINARY.

My evil Plan....

Evil Guide Plan

Your objective is simple: world domination.
Your motive is a little bit more complex: to show them all

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first seduce a rich and powerful CEO. This will cause the world to whisper among themselves, stunned by your arrival. Who is this Criminal Mastermind? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in Classic Black?

Stage Two

Next, you must steal the internet. This will all be done from a floating Fortress, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will tremble, as countless hordes of corporate suits hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must activate your needlessly big weather machine, bringing about an End to Sanity. Your name shall become synonymous with the Spice Girls, and no man will ever again dare roll his or her eyes. Everyone will bow before your Extraordinary Charisma, and the world will have no choice but to give you control of the planet.


adapted with http://www.darksites.com/evilplan.php

kitchen experiements pt 1

 Like I promised here is the first blog of the week! the first blog of the week about food! and the first blog of the week about my experiments in the kitchen...
At the beginning of October I bought a pumpkin because everyone was getting into Halloween/Thanksgiving/holiday pumpkin recipes and because I love, love, love pumpkin.

I started with an afternoon all about making pumpkin puree.  Cutting the pumpkin was hard. Then I put it in the oven to roast and was thankful no glass dishes slipped of the oven rack, shattering on the floor sending glass, water, pumpkin pulp, and pumpkin pieces flying around the floor

and finally pureed it and let it drain all the water out.  in the background of the photo below are the pumpkin seeds we dried, roasted and ate.  Just like when i was a kid :)

 After all that work I had to take a break.  So the next day I made muffins.  Which, by the way, I really really love.  I love the concept of sweet bread with particular flavors.  I love a great taste that would only be ruined if loaded up with frosting.  All the fruits and vegetables that can be put into the muffins are very interesting.  So, yes, I made muffins.

These pumpkin muffins had a yummy sweet cream cheese filling!! GREAT idea. 

But it turned out a little two sweet so I ate around it, just the pumpkin would have been a gazillion times better.  And I don't think I cooked them long enough but because the filling was there I couldn't stick a fork in it, so it was a little too ooey and gooey on the inside.  I just ate the outside.  Its a good thing I own over-sized muffin tins.

But then i made up for all the mistakes and hard work and wasted afternoons  by making a simple, normal, classic, pumpkin pie.  YUMM!!! i could live off of these.  my favorite.  and after months of my husband refusing to consider pumkin, and not having pumpkin pie last thanksgiving becasue he "didnt like it" my husband and I polished of this pie is a few short sittings.  THAT makes me happy.

This week im gonna write...

Here are some ideas i have for upcoming blogs:
Flip flops...sign of maturity?
Kitchen adventures
Becoming bicultural as an adult...is it good for you?

First Baking Post

I like baking.  I like eating bakes goods.  I am addicted to the mix of sugar and carbs. I crave it real bad.

The other night i made an apple pie.
Let me tell you about it: It has baked apple, yum. It has an easy, crisp, not soggy crust, good. It has a buttery, sweet, crunchy crumble top.
Crust tip 1: on allrecipes.com I found a great EASY pie crust recipe.  it is flour, oil, and ice water.  that's it.  simple.
Crust tip 2:  This blog has some great recipes and tips, particularly in this instance.  the blogger suggested putting some bread crumbs on top of the crust under the apples so that it soaks up the juices.  the crust does not get soggy and you cant even tell there is something else there when its all said and done.
Apple tip 1:  many of the recipes i read told me to pour the cinnamon sugar mixture on top of the apples.  my mom always mixed the cinnamon sugar mixture with the apples.  after my most recent apple pie trial i think ill go back to the way my mom always did it.
Crumble Top tip 1:  the recipe i found on allrecipes.com for cumble top was not enough, it didnt cover the whole thing.  and if i had added more oats i think it would have been good too.

It was good.  i enjoyed it!

p.s. ohh and i put craisons in 1/2 of it cause my husband refuses to like them so i have to adjust things sometimes...

its true...I googled it

i found out today that there are no Wal-Marts in NYC.

it's true. none. i google-mapped it.

i mean, that's fine, i dont really care about this fact in and of itself.  I dont really even like walmart all that much. One of the things in mexico that enamors me is all the independent or single purpose stores.
what i do consider kinda mind blowing is thinking about a large group of people living in the US that HAVENT GONE TO WALMART.  i would say that wal-mart a huge part of "american" culture.  People have different reasons for going to walmart.  Some people just go for one certain item.  Some people go because the returns and customer service desk oozes "the customer is always right" policy.  Some people go because you can get everything in one store.  Some people just used to go to walmart.  Whatever the reason, it is part of our vocabulary, part of the way way we solve our problems.  and the inhabitants of NYC do not have that point of reference.
i just think that's interesting.

and maybe later i'll post something about how i know what those new yorkers are going through... you know, being part of a culture but not having certain daily key points of reference.

going home

first of all, i want to comment on the fact that my calendar is very confused.  here is what it says:  JULY 21: go HOME.  AUGUST 1: come HOME.  i really dont know how that is possible but it's the way it is!
second of all, and the main reason for this post, is to make a list of all the things i hope to do on my short trip...home.  (although they will be numbered, the numbers are not rankings of importance)

1) Eat chick-fil-a, with lemonade
2) drive
3) go yard-saleing
4) SHOP SHOP SHOP, i think it will be "till i drop." the stores on the list are: target, marshalls, 1 or 2 thrift stores, southpoint mall,
5) go out with my little sister
6) have a cookout with my mom and dad- hamburgers or chicken..their choice
7) sit on mindy's couch
8) visit ssot, although i wont know any of the kids anymore, i want to see the serving ones
9) go to wilmington for a day
10) long bike ride with my family

this is going to be a packed 10 days.  i want it to happen tomorrow, but i still have 3 weeks...

WOW

with all the noise that is around me, this silenced it all!

Rom 1:17 For the righteousness of God is revealed in it [the
gospel] out of faith to faith, as it is written, “But the
righteous shall have life and live by faith.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Words of Ministry ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The righteousness of God is revealed in the gospel out of
faith and to faith, meaning that as long as we have the
faith, we have the righteousness of God... Do not say that
you have no faith. As long as you call on the name of the
Lord Jesus, He is rich to you. When you call, “O Lord Jesus,”
He is your faith. Perhaps you will say you have no feeling
that you believe. In response to this, I will tell you what
happened to me over 40 years ago when I read a book about the
assurance of salvation. This book said strongly that as long
as we believe we are saved. Immediately I asked myself, “Have
you believed? Do you have faith?” I began to doubt. For some
days I was bothered about this and I was unable to eat and
sleep well. I did not have the feeling that I believed. After
I had been troubled for days, the Lord was merciful to me and
helped me. The Lord said, “Stupid man, approach this question
from another angle and ask yourself, ‘Do you not believe?’
Try your best not to believe.” I tried not to believe in
Jesus, but I was unable to do it. I simply could not stop
believing in Him. This was the proof that I had the faith.

Provided we have this faith, God's righteousness is revealed
out of this faith and to this faith. Although you may make
every attempt to cast away your faith, you cannot do it
because faith has come into you. Within you there is
something that the Bible calls “the faith.” As long as you
have the faith, you have the righteousness of God.

why being a teacher is so great

compared to students
1. I dont have to wear a uniform
2. If my phone goes off, no one will take it away
3. I know what the next activity is
4. I dont have to walk in line and if i stop to talk to someone its ok.
5. I dont have to ask to go to the bathroom or drink water
6. I don't have life altering fights at recess

compared to "other" professions
1. I get lots of vacation
2. every year I get to start with a completely clean slate
3. Kids are funny
4. I get to read sentences like "It like the boys." and "I thing we go to the house of my grandfathers in the in nigth."
5. the problems the kids have remind you that life usually isnt as serious as we think it is

push play

My life has a concrete city, a city in which my husband lives, a city in which i have a job, a city that i will most likely not be leaving in the near future.  I am realizing more and more that this same city that i have called my place of residence for the past 3 years, has not at all been the place of my life for the past 3 years.  The past three years, i think my life has been on pause.  what, you say?  you mean exploring a new culture, beginning a career, making lifelong friends, getting engaged and married is what your life is like on pause?!   yes, i say, yes.  it has been a general pause, a very general pause, but a pause non the less.  I realized recently that now i have push play.  The dreams that i had when i came to mexico will have to be adjusted.  My life as i imagined it will have to being here and now, instead of there and then.
without meaning to i have been living in the future.  I have been thinking about what i would do once i finished this city.  but this city seems to not finish.
I used to be a relatively active person.  and i am happy to report that the pause that kept me inactive for the past 3 years seems to be in the play position now.
I'm teaching myself and researching all i can about how to really truely use PYP in my classroom.
I am making sure my students this year dont miss out on their last week of third grade.
I am planning and looking for the next living room/kitchen/bedroom that will be my house.
I am getting my life in order so that next year I do not live on my computer.
It's time, its overdue, push play.

projections

alright.  here we go world... yes, Mexico is in the midst of a scandal.  the national soccer team is playing in the Gold Cup, or Copa Oro.  And then after the first game... dundndun...5 players are kicked of the national team because they were caught with illegal levels of some kind of steroid or something.
they say it was from the meat these players must have eaten.
they say it was not intentional.
they also say, this is not the first time mexican players have violated FIFA rules on doping..like its kinda often
other people say that it just shows that the mexican players are not taking their team/the tournament seriously

do you want to honestly know what i first thought when i heard this news?  what i thought before i heard any of the other argument and comments?  do you want to know my deepest darkest feelings about mexico?  okok maybe not MEXICO, but i am here to confess that when i heard this news i immediately thought of my students.  (p.s. it is the end of the school year and although i love my kids... my students are trying my nerves)
is it possible that this kind of irreverence for the rules is indicative of all mexico?  is is fair to make the connection between my kid´s lack of respect for teacher authority and the player´s lack of respect for FIFA authority?  would you argue with me if i made the generalization that my view of my students and the decisions of the players shows that mexicans don't consider the consequences of their actions?

These were my initial projections.  I know it is not too fair.  I dont have much to compare my mexican children with, i mean, i was only a teacher in the states in one school, one city, for 4 months.   I love living in mexico, make no mistake.  and I am not saying, by any means, that every mexican is like this.  I am just trying to make sense of a culture that is not mine.  I am trying to fit the puzzle pieces together.  Please do not interpret this as me saying that mexico is a horrible place.  it´s not.  Although i believe people are all the same.  cultures are not, and this is my adopted culture, but i'm not so sure how to treat it all the time.


UPDATE june 18, 2011
after the official FIFA investigation, it was determined that the doping was unintentional.  The players happened to be eating at the same place and were served meat with high levels of steroids which got into their system enough that it was tested positive.  although the players were not allowed back to the tournament their positive drug tests have been removed from their records.  so i guess, all my projections dont really hold up.  no one was disrespectful, no one was irreverent, no one was slacking, it was just a big mistake.  luck of the mexicans.

the final chapter...for now

Last week my husband went to ciudad juarez for his initial immigration interview.  Now, there is really no reason to beat around the bush, they were not very nice to him.  For whatever reason, they denied him a visa and basically told him he could not go to the US for many years.
We are very disapointed.  We are a little angry.  I'll admit, I cried.  But there is a reason I am putting this as a blog instead of a fb status.  It's because i dont want the world to feel sorry for me (jaja cause the world really cares and reads my blog).  There is very little to feel sorry about.  I am sorry we cant go to the US, but I dont feel sorry for us.  Living in mexico is not our dream, but it isnt too bad.  I would rather not have give birth to my child in a mexican hospital and i would rather not raise my children in a spanish speaking country (I want them to speak English first).  I would rather live close to my parents.  I beleive i need more spiritual support than what i have found here.  I would like to give my family a more United States culture.  I want to be the person who lived in a foreign country, not the person who lives in a foreign country.  but those are preferences not requirements.
So, let me repeat-  we are disapointed.  very disapointed.  but it isn't the end of our life.  we can live here too.

as close as i've come to a panic attack...

...and how silly i felt after.
My husband and I would like to go back to the US.  so, yesterday he went to Ciudad Juarez for his immigration interview.  when i left him at the bus station i felt like he was leaving for a long time, even though it was only going to be 3 or 4 days.
This whole process has been really quite stressful.  this morning i came as close as i've come to haveing a panic attack, i mean thats what i assume it was.  and all day long i was worried with knots in my stomach and my head only 1/2 on my work- and the interview isnt even until tomorrow!  Then, while i was walking home from the grocery store, i realized: why am i worried?  being in mexico is fine.  being in the US would be fine.  I know that God will work out all the visa things, and everything, for where he wants us to be.  i've talked about it and i've said the words- but for some reason i was making myself physically unwell because of all the pressure i was putting on myself to KNOW what is going on. 
and just like that i'm alright.  i cant remember why it was so essential to KNOW everything.  I cant remember why I was so traumatized by the silly incompetence of the people who do this for a living.  i just feel silly now. it's hard, really hard, but we'll get there- when it's time.
so, until the next time i freak out...i'm still in mexico and i'm doing alright.

the dreaded IMSS

Last Friday I almost fainted.  It was a little annoying.  but mostly it scared Israel.  He is not good a being scared.  I said I needed water, he said "why?! there is no water here."  I said I needed to sit in the shade He said "why? There isn't room."  I said I needed to lay down, he said "No, not in the dirt!"  Eventually I got my head so that I didnt feel like vomiting or falling over.  And Israel told me that i was required to go to the doctor as soon as we got back to Puebla.  I didnt want to fight so I agreed.
When we arrived to Puebla I skillfully avoided that topic of a doctor.  But, unfortunately i had a few lightheaded spells and then one night i could not sleep at all, the entire night.  which, for those of you who know my sleeping habits is really weird!  So he remembered all by himself the idea that he wanted me to go to the doctor.
i HATE HATE going to the doctor.  first you have to find a doctor, then make an appointment that fits into their schedule and yours, and finally once i get there they always tell me that nothing is wrong or are rude or it is just generally uncomfortable.  and on top of it all you have to pay for that experience of wasted time.  it always fills me with dred, i really dont like it.
but-i agreed to go, if he agreed to help me and hold my hand through it all and i didnt have to pay for it.
So, Wednesday I tried to call to make an appointment but out of all the 5 or 6 times we called we didnt get any answers.  FAIL.
we tried to get into the few slots of walk-ins they have each day.  FAIL.
but we could make an appointment for Thursday afternoon. win?
now that we had an appointment time we had to prepare for going to the IMSS.  everything that i have heard about and experienced with the IMSS has been awful awful awful patient service and long long long wait times.  So, we packed a book and our fully charged ipods.  We talked about, and mentally prepared ourselves, for the rude reception we would have with the secretary and the doctor.  Finally we arrived, 13 minutes early, to the IMSS office.

It started off not good.  When I handed my documentation to the secretary she reprimanded me for not bringing some other documents that she never told me to bring.  I tried to explain as politely as i could in Spanish that she had failed to mentioned those other documents.  she disagreed.  after some more back and forth yes-no-yes-no-yes she mentioned that i would be allowed to see the doctor without those documents, but only today.  win?

Then, she said that I was to go in after the patient currently with the doctor came out.  i.e. on time.  win!

The doctor was brusque, but what else do you expect from someone who is only allowed 10 minutes per patient?
What was the most humorous thing from our converstation?  well after telling her my symptoms she said me "pero ves bieno boroso? normalmente?/ Do you see well or blurry?  normally?"  I think I can see pretty well.  She contiued asking me questions and took my blood pressure and checked my heart and lungs.  then, out of the blue, she asked me to read a eye chart.  I failed.  she laughed "entonces no ves bien./So you don't see well."  Apparently my eye sight might have something to do with my dizziness.
She prescribed blood work, an eye exam, and vitamin B.  She didnt tell me that nothing was wrong.  I didnt feel like it was a waste of time.  WIN.

After everything-waiting, consultation, making an appointment for blood work, waiting in line for the vitamin pills- we were outside the IMSS and walking home after only 30 minutes.  WIN!!!

This trip to the dreaded government health care facility did not turn out so bad.  I just thought i should share the hard to find good experience.

movies and tv ruin my life...

...and maybe books too, i havent analized that one fully yet.
and its not just me.  there have been studies.
for example?
one example that pushed this idea and complaint to the forefront of my brain, is that romance had to be changed to a big "eshow" because of movies. did you know that it wasn't until movies debuted into pop culture that men had to get on one knee or devise the perfect proposal.  before that things were more simple.  A boy liked a girl and asked to call on her.  If she accepted they would sit in the parlor and hang out.  eventually when things advanced more he would just ask her.  and that would be it--engaged!  But then silent moved ad to make a big show of everything and instead of sitting parlors the guys took the girls to the moves and so on and so forth....romantic relationships became so complicated!
Essentially, even though we (and when I say "we" I mean "I") know that movies are not real, we dream of our life being like the good, sweet ones.  The disturbing or depressing ones impact our Psyche but we can write it off as being just a movie and thus simply "food for thought"  but if its too hard to think about we can chalk it all up to Hollywood.
It's all the the grey area of just a movie and based on something real.  Never will real life be like a movie because there cannot be full human character development.  that's where the movies can get tricky, if they have good writing and actors the character development simulates real human developed...
Anyway, I think I have a lot more to say on this but it might reveal some things about myself that I'm not ready for you, or the world, to know.  Basically, I analyze things too much.
...but what would I do if I stopped watching TV and movies?  Maybe someday I'll do an experiment and see what cutting those things out would do to my life.  but then I'd have to read books and wouldn't that be the same thing? huh- how's that for food for thought?

teacher mental illness

I dont know if its normal... but i think i have some kind of teaching bipolarism.  for a few weeks or so i am so annoyed by my kids.  i dont understand why they have to be so...so... stupid.  I'm sorry, they are not stupid, but their ACTIONS certainly are.  and then, suddenly, even though my students have not changed, and their actions definatly have not changed.  I am a happy teacher again.  and it is my fault becuase i didnt explain something or i want firm enough or i didnt keep the consequenses consitant enough.
let me clarify- i dont think my actions or classroom change very much.  I always try to provide interactive lessons and smiles and firm compasionate guidance.  but, what i am saying is that my internal stewings change from week to week. 
for example, today, my kids were really annoying acting like kids and all, and yet- i am not annoyed.  why cant i take this mental state with me every day?

spacial awareness

I think this is more of a personal issue rather than a social commentary.
So, here is the thing.
Sometimes I find myself annoyed with the lack of, what i would call, spacial awareness in many Mexicans.  This lack of spacial awareness sometimes is manifested by the "no personal space" issue many expats living in mexico mention; you know, when you were on the bus and people crowd you or when you are in line anywhere and people stand so close to you you can feel their breath.  But, also, sometimes I see people who think it is ok to cross right in front of the stage when someone is giving a presentation, unaware (or not careing) that they are crossing a certain line into the stage SPACE.  I have seen people who think it is ok to not get out of the way when people need to pass by a constricted SPACE, people who are not embarrassed if they are in the SPACE someone else needs to be in. 

so, all this comes down to the fact that, today, on the sidewalk i saw a mouse.  i was walking on a not too deserted sidewalk when all of a sudden there crouched on the sidewalk was a mouse.  Almost in the middle of the sidewalk there was the gray mouse.  he was trying to find out what kind of food was wrapped in a napkin someone had thrown there.  and he barely blinked when i walked right beside him.  I mean NOTHING.  it was like he didnt know that i am bigger than him.  it was like he didnt know that i am a human and that humans have a history of hating mice and screaming at mice and trying to kill mice.  he was not AWARE he should be concerened that i had entered his SPACE.

lines

i think waiting in line is very different in the US than in MX.  let me know what you think?
Today i had to go to the bank, why is another great story about mexico, but let's just stick with i had to go to the bank.
first you have to get a number, whenever you go to the bank you have to get a number.  i say it's because otherwise someone will push past you to "ask a quick question" that is actually a long process of questions and papers and... anyway.  and sometimes there is a person who helps you decide which button you press to get a number.  today.  she told me no number, just go behind this person, he is the last in line.  there are quite a few people in line already.  but the line is actally chairs and not a line.  imagine a block of 3 x 3 chairs.  this is the line.  in the first row are the first people in line, then the "line" snakes around to the second row and third row and finally the people who are standing because there are no more chairs.  but every time someone goes up to the teller window the "line" also has to move. so, everyone has to change seats.  seat 2 goes to seat 1, seat 3 goes to seat 2, etc etc.  it is really kind of awkward because seat 7 has to cross in front of the people seated in seats 8 and 9 to get to the seat 6...besides the fact that everyone has to change seats.  and besides the fact that one other person (an american) mentioned it was a little weird everyone acted as if this makes perfect sense.  does it?

??

This week i hate questions. you wanna know why? because i have to deal with horrible ones all day long.  The one i am really angry at right now: "can i go to the bathroom?"   Now, that is not the only question i hate.  becasue of that and other similarly counterproductive questions, i want to ban questions from my life. all questions!
my mom pointed out how many questions i asked when i was young, I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!
Now, i listen to myself and I ask A LOT of questions.  SO SORRY again. 

my husband's lies

My husband sometimes does not have the same ideas that i have.  So i am learning that if i want him to do something i need to let him know what i am thinking instead of getting mad at him after he doesnt do the thing that he didnt know i wanted him to do.  so, a week or so before my birthday i mentioned how i was excited about finally celebrating my birthday with him.  and i even mentioned that i wanted to separate valentines day and my birthday.  and i asked him if he wanted me to think about what restaurant we could go to for my birthday cause we needed to make a reservation.  but he said that he would take care of it.  so i made myself trust him.  but THEN, yesterday, the saturday before Feb 14, we were discussing the valentine's day/birthday plans.  and he HADNT make reservations yet!!!! yes, i can say i was disappointed.  but, still trusting him.  so when he said he felt bad because i was mad at him i made sure he knew, i wasnt mad, i was waiting to see if i would be disappointed on monday or not.

i should have known...
Israel cleaned the house friday AND saturday
Israel had the table and chairs arranged like we always do for parties friday afternoon
Israel had a very specific schedule..."So, do you want to go running, come back here to eat, clean and do laundry, then we can go about 5pm to get the sushi things and maybe eat something, then watch Chivas at 7."
Israel informed me he was going to dress weird.  and he did, his black dress pants and vest, white tshirt and white tennis shoes.
Israel made sure i had my keys, when i saw that he had his keys already
Israel suggested that we look to see what movies were out, even though we werent going to watch one cause he had to get back home to watch the soccer game. but then when I went to go look at the movies he walked away to answer the phone."
Israel decided to "keep driving" to go around the block to get home instead of the most direct way
Israel invited me to stay in the car when he went in to buy bread.  I thought he was being nice because i was complaining about being cold and didnt want to get out of the car, but really he was going inside to make a secret phone call and he didnt want me there.
so, as Israel was making distracting conversation, and i took out my keys to open the door, answering his question, i opened the door and screamed.  during my scream i wondered if perhaps i had unlocked and opened the door to someone else's house, but quickly dertermined that no, they were sitting on my couch and they were MY friends.  I was shaking for a good 15-20 minutes after my shock and surprise.  but it was good. Israel had pulled off a great surprise party for me.  Caitlin did a great job of  putting the details together.  I was completely surprised and happy to have my friends celebrate my birthday with me on the day that according to MY schedule was suppose to be 6-monthaversary-eve.

So, i dont have to wait until monday to find out if i am disappointed by my husband's lack of planning for my birthday.  I am very happy with my husband's planning of my birthday- i feel kind of bad for doubting him.

am i racist?

Today, I was watching TV and something that the program said ( i dont remember what) made me think "They all think like that."  meaning "Mexicans all think like that."  Then, immediatly i sucked the words/thought back in.  How racist of me!
The other day, a visiter from the United States made a comment, "there are a lot of weird beliefs here." she immediatly realized that didnt sound very politcally correct and mentioned that maybe she should have said "different" instead.
Living in a different country, emeresed in a different culture, surrounded by people who do not have the same knowledge set as you do shows a person how racist they are.
or is it racism?
no.
right?
Because my cultural knowledge base is different than that of the majority of people around me, and sometimes it is difficult to instantly distinguish what stems from universal truth and what stems from cultural knowledge, this does not make me racist.
but sometimes, it is true, I do think my beliefs are correct and others' are, simply, wrong.  sometimes, i do find myself, honestly thinking, my beliefs are better than those of an entire country.  do those count as inherent differences that lead to me believing my "race" is superior? no, i dont think so.
so, this is me being so scared of being racist that i convince myself i am.  when really maybe i dont have anything to worry about? perhaps is it just an extension of the phenomena of political correctness that i grew up in.  which has certainly affected me.  and i cant decide if its a good thing or a bad thing.