ponderings at a funeral

so my grandfather-in-law passed away this week. We arrived, about 24 hours after he had passed, when we got to the house, it was full of people gathered around the coffin singing and chanting a song about Antontio following a dove to heaven, i think....
The whole funeral was a lot for me to take in, for many reasons.  First of all, all the catholic traditions are unfamiliar to me and I didnt want to accidentally offend someone.  Finally I realized that i was over analyzing and his family both knew that i am not catholic and that i didnt really know him, so my being there was a pretty big handicap if one was keeping offense score.  and secondly, i felt sad for my husband and his family, so I wasnt sure what the proper behavior was since i was grieving for someone else.  Like, when we were waiting for the transportation to the mass, the family was joking and laughing... what? weren't they just really sad?  so, i didnt know if i was suppose to laugh or be more serious! 
like most important life events, this time also made me consider my own situation.  now, i'm married, and to this family's oldest nephew.  quite a few times, while i was worried about if i was doing to wrong thing, i thought about the unspeakable.  what if, Israel died?  His mother and aunts would, no doubt, insist on the funeral viduals, mass, and burial.  I however, do not think i could handle doing all those things.  I think i'd be more the silent kind of widow, wanting to be alone, at the back of the memorial service, hiding from people's hugs and sympathetic looks... Hopefully i wont have to worry about it, but if (ififififif) it comes to that- it will be traumatic i'm sure!  on many levels....